The Superpowers of Being Broken

“I don’t want to be here anymore, how can I end this?” 

One day before the holidays, while drenched in shame, I thought to myself: What would be the easiest way?

That’s when a vision flashed before my eyes.

You can call it God or Divine Intervention.

I saw myself at around age 90. I looked like Betty White and I had this big, beautiful life and I could tell that I was surrounded by a tremendous amount of love. I was glowing and happy and certainly grateful that I had stuck it out.

And that’s when it hit me: What if being one of the “broken” ones is really a superpower?

Hear me out.

I’m not a ‘traditionally’ dark person. I have a buzzing social life and meaningful friendships. I own my own business and absolutely love what I do and who I work with. My family is supportive of my ambitions and creativity. I have a rich spiritual practice. I have hobbies that I enjoy. Animals I adore. Mostly, I am goofy, joyful and, at times, overly optimistic.  

But isn’t that usually the case?

We always hear about how we don’t understand why someone decided to leave because they “seemed so happy.”

My hypothesis based on personal experience?

It’s not due to a lack of happiness or gratitude.

It’s due to large, overwhelming feelings that hit us in waves, typically because of profound trauma. It’s feeling haunted, paralyzed, deeply alone with shame and being unable to talk about it in a purposeful way.

And when I saw my Higher Self (i.e. the Betty White version), I realized something: There is so much here for me in this life if I start talking about this.

So that’s what I’m doing here: beginning a conversation.

In my case, right before my 30th birthday, I was crushed by deep-rooted shame, when I began to remember, for the first time, repeated sexual trauma between the ages of 4 and 15.  

It rocked my world.

And it almost became too much to bear.

On the days that felt the hardest I found myself back in the memories. Stuck. Trapped. Suffocating. 

And as I began to drop this bomb on family and friends, the normal human questions that followed often left me wanting to curl up in the fetal position:

“How bad was it?” {I’m not sure that matters, but pretty bad}.

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” {As if I had the language to do so}.

“How often did this go on?” {Repeatedly, but just one time is enough}.

The last year of my life has felt upending. I’ve spent months crying every night. I’ve had countless sleepless nights and many filled with nightmares. I’ve felt the full range of emotions from anger to sadness to disgust. I’ve felt dirty, guilty, shameful. I’ve been in various types of therapy. When I say I’ve been through it, I mean that I have been buried, deep in the trenches of my own darkness. Places that felt like light could never reach.

With the help of my inner Betty, I was able to begin climbing, tiny step by tiny step, out of this hole, and I started to think about the rock bottom experience. Growing up in a house full of addiction issues, I have heard about the “rock bottom” my entire life, but no one ever mentioned how much power it held.

The rock bottom gives us the ultimate choice: Where do we go from here?

And my question is:

What if the rock bottom - what if being broken - was the very experience that saved our lives?

The ugly truth is that we are all broken. Society doesn’t want to admit it, but every single person has been through an event, trauma, or horrible, big, bad thing.

To different degrees, of course, but again, I am not sure the degree matters. That is just another thing we use to separate ourselves from one another.  

For some, the rock bottom may come in the form of a failed relationship or marriage, a close-call, an illness, a career change, bankruptcy, a mental health breakdown. You name it. The rock bottom can present in any form.

We came here to learn certain lessons and grow into a more evolved version of ourselves.

And sometimes growth requires hardship. Growth requires being broken.

I have come to believe that one of the gifts of having a human experience is the ability to feel and know the full spectrum of emotions.

I have also come to believe that accepting our brokenness can actually be our saving grace if we open up and talk, even when we can’t find the perfect words.

So what are the superpowers of being broken?

For starters, there’s no place to go but up. If we allow, it makes the little things—eating breakfast before 2 pm, putting on makeup, cleaning the house—feel like a celebration. When things are going well, it’s hard to give ourselves credit for the menial tasks of life.

Honestly, why should we not celebrate the fact that we got up and put our best foot forward today? Life can be hard and sometimes the small things are the most impactful. Why do we hold back on celebration?  

Superpower #1: Your capacity for celebration in daily life increases, which gives you a leg-up on happiness, compared to the average person.

Secondly, being broken is a graduate degree in emotional intelligence. It doesn’t mean you always have the answers (quite the contrary), but I believe that it does mean it is easier for you to give some money to the homeless person you pass on the street or sit down on the same level as the child who is being bullied on the playground.

Being broken allows you to relate to people with a new degree of compassion. It often helps others feel less alone and ashamed when they know that they can see themselves in your story.

At times, your temporary purpose in life will be cracking open the door to the walls someone else has built around their heart.

Superpower #2: You are better at relating to others in meaningful ways. That’s what life is all about and it leads to a richer life with more opportunities for real connection.

Third, when you are broken, the walls you have worked so hard to build also come crumbling down. You sit naked, vulnerable, raw. Which is super uncomfortable.

But you know what?

When we are cracked open with pain, it also enhances our capacity to feel love, to be intimate, and to allow ourselves to be loved. Being cracked open works both ways. At times, we must tear our walls down, but there is a promise for more joy, pleasure, and love on the other side.

Superpower #3: You have the rare opportunity to feel, to experience intimacy with yourself and with others. Maybe you feel the pain more, but you also feel the joy at higher levels too. Being numb is not the pathway to happiness.   

Finally, being broken teaches you how to sit in your own hell. I used to fear that, until I realized that as I sat in the fire, I soon became it.

When you become the fire, you burn your old life. When you burn all of your old beliefs and thoughts about yourself and the world you thought you knew, you find yourself in the ashes of neutrality. A blank slate where anything is possible, and reinvention is the only certainty.

That’s when you truly become the alchemist, the phoenix. It is when you understand that you have the power, that you have always been worthy and that you are the one.

There’s no going back once you’ve been to the bottom because there’s nothing to lose anymore. You know what the worst looks like and you are now able to live a truly free life. A life where you choose what serves you and what does not. A life where you can rebuild who you are and who is a part of it moving forward.

Superpower #4: When you heal your own life, you’re not just the phoenix. Baby, you are a damn magician. Knowing your power leads to a freer life.

As much as I wish for the opposite, I don’t know that there is a solution to stopping horrible things like sexual abuse or war or addiction or traumatic incidents from happening to others in the future.

Suffering, pain, and darkness are all parts of being human, of living a full life and of becoming.

What I do know for sure is that brokenness is a superpower.

It helps us live a more authentic life.

It teaches us how to celebrate everyday occurrences and connect on a deeper level.

It opens our hearts to what we couldn’t imagine was available for us.

It reminds us of our own inherent worth and power, leading to a freer life.

We can make it through the brokenness to the other side, where a fulfilling life is promised: 

If we have the courage to face the demons that label us flawed and recognize that they never really held power, except for the meaning we gave them.

If we start telling our stories instead of sitting alone in our shame.

If we do the work to pull ourselves out of our own hell one little step at a time.

My dear reader, let’s spread the word: If we are brave with our lives and our truth, we might just change the world.

I see me free. I see you free. I see us free.

Finally, what I really want you to know is that I love your big broken soul and I’m so happy you are here.

Xoxo,

Em

P.S. I will likely write more about my healing process and what I found useful. If you are struggling right now, I will tell you that Rapid Resolution Therapy has dramatically and quickly changed my entire experience. This program has been incredibly valuable for me and I listen to it on an almost daily basis.